Josh Byers

Idiots in America

One of the jobs that has to take the most abuse is the profession of video store clerk. I’ll admit that there are idiots in just about every position that deserve their fair share of grief but other than a cop who in the workforce hears more whiny excuses?

I was in Hollywood Video the other day waiting in line on my lunch break behind some guy who had racked up 11 dollars in fines for late videos. His first excuse was that it wasn’t his account (it was). The second excuse was that he didn’t rent the videos (it doesn’t matter, if they’re checked out to your account you’re responsible). Next he demanded to see in writing where it said he was liable to pay for late fees. Are you kidding me? What planet did this guy come from???

The line at this point was growing since there was only one clerk and she was fairly preoccupied at the moment. Through the whole debacle the clerk remained composed and calm which I was very impressed with. She ended up pulling out a contract that the customer had signed and showed him where it said that they would charge late fees for returning movies late. Imagine that - being responsible for your own mistake? Say it ain’t so! Not in America!

At this point soundly defeated he decides to shift his attack to another avenue - the size of the type… All of us have been standing hear observing this for nearly 5 minutes biting our tongues and calming our own anger when he turns to the line in an effort to get some support - because its all us customers against the evil video store clerk - and warns us to watch out for this *nonsense* (like to keep the website family friendly…).

I couldn’t take it anymore. I kept my mouth shut because it wasn’t my business but as soon as he turned and addressed us I felt that it was now my business.
I calmly rolled my eyes and said “dude, just pay your fine and let us get on with life.” To say he was surprised would be an understatement. He apparently felt that making all of wait for his ridiculous antics would somehow endear himself to us…
He then mumbled something about me taking her (the video clerk) side.
To which I responded: “She doesn’t make the rules - return your movies on time and it wouldn’t be a problem.”
He then pulled a hypothetical on me and said: “But what if there is an emergency?”
I didn’t justify the comment with a response but shook my head, rolled my eyes and placed my movies on the counter. He looked through the line for some support and when he found none he pulled out his wallet paid the fine and left.

I guess I was lucky he wasn’t a psycho and I probably shouldn’t have said anything - but this just reflects a growing attitude in America. Where did we get the idea that we are entitled to everything? What has happened to personal responsibility? Next time you screw up -admit it. Don’t try and weasel your way out of it. Nobody wins.

Okay-rant over.

Elmo and the Missing Suitcase

Everyone is back home and all that is right and good has been restored. The balance in the force is back…

The girls’ trip went well except for one small tiny detail: When Mickie dropped off Mia at her parents she left her suitcase and took Mia’s to Indiana. Whoops. Mickie ended up borrowing some clothes from some friends and shopping for some new ones. I guess she didn’t want to try on Mia’s Elmo undies.

Speaking of Elmo, the new Tickle-Me-Elmo is on sale at a retailer near you. Here is a sample video and there are plenty more to be found on YouTube.

Mia doesn’t have the tickle version but she does have the tinkle version. She has an Elmo that when you put a bottle in its mouth has to go potty 20 seconds later. Apparently like little kids and women on trips, Elmo has a very small bladder… By the way, who has the job of making the Elmo potty sound effects? What a conversation piece that would be at a party.

What I really want to know is when are we going to see a combination of both? How great would it be to tickle Elmo and then have him have to go potty? You can’t tell me that wouldn’t be awesome. I even have a name: Tickle Me till I Pee Elmo or TP Elmo for short. Somebody has got to get on this.

What to do and the September Shuffle

Mickie and Mia will be gone next week. Mickie is going on a girl trip to Indiana to visit friends and Mia is going to Grandma and Grandpas in Burlington. So that leaves me all by myself. The question is what should I do with all of this free time? The early votes are golfing, mowing the lawn, and snipe hunting. I need some good ideas - leave them in the comments section.

Here is September’s Shuffle on my iPod. Remember the rules:

• Shuffle Your Songs
• Report the first 5 five - no cheating

1. Ending Credits from the Napoleon Dynamite Soudtrack - Sweet!
2. A Quiet Interlude by the David Crowder Band on the album A Collision
3. Valentine by Jim Brickman on the album Picture This
4. Trudog-the Return by TobyMac on the Welcome to Diverse City album
5. We Will See Him as He Is - 1998 FBBC Summer Ministry Teams - the one I wasn’t on…

True Patriots

This post is few days late as I intended to post it on 9/11 but better late than never. Like most people I was profoundly impacted by the events of that day. Growing up I and most of my friends could never really identify with what Tom Brokaw called “The Greatest Generation.” The World War II Generation was one of the most patriotic and heroic generations in American history. I have never really known what it means to love my countryand to sacrifice for my country. In fact patriotism was more like a subject in school than a deep emotion.

Even now most of us know little about true sacrifice. We are lucky to have not had to fight the majority of this war on terror on our soil. Unfortunately with the forgetful mindset of most American people I am afraid that day will eventually come. Until September 11th I never knew how it felt to have a deep emotional connection with my country. It was definitely something I took for granted. But everything changed that day. Through all of the horror that was September 11th I believe a new generation has learned in a small way what it is to be a patriot. I felt a common bond with my fellow countrymen that had never been there before.

And In the days that followed I can remember getting choked up at just the site of our flag. With that I wanted to share one of my favorite renditions of the Star Spangled Banner. It includes a dramatic reading of the story of the anthem and will give you chills.

I Think I’m Getting Old

Friday night Mickie and I went on a date. We haven’t been on too many since Mia was born and we really need to go on more, but that’s not the point. We were walking around the mall going into the stores that we like, Gap, Baby Gap (where Mickie found a pair of pants for Mia for .47 - yes that decimal is not misplaced they were actually forty-seven cents…) the Apple Store, Pottery Barn and some others. I happened to be looking for some pants to wear to work - something very casual khakis or cargo pants. I normally buy most of those kind of things at the Gap but they had diddly so Mickie asked if I wanted to go into American Eagle.

Now, I’m not sure if there was a polar shift or other weirdness going on but we both kind of stopped and then had a conversation about whether or not we are still allowed to go into those kind of stores. When are you no longer supposed to go to American Eagle, Abercrombie, Hollister, The Buckle etc…? At what point do you look like a desperate loser trying to fit in with a generation younger than you? We must have passed this point because neither of us felt comfortable going in any of those places. Is it a certain age? Is it when you have kids? Is it a certain weight? Or are we just off our rocker? Maybe its when you start using phrases like “off your rocker.”

Anyway help us out and let us know if we are still cool enough to shop where the cool kids shop.

My New Name

The following is a conversation with Mia:

Mickie: How old are you?
Mia: I two.
Mickie: What’s your name?
Mia: My name is Mia.
Mickie: Where’s mommy?
Mia: Points to mommy.
Mickie: Where’s daddy?
Mia: Points to me.
Mickie: What’s mommy’s name?
Mia: Mommy.
Mickie: What’s daddy’s name?
Mia: Snappy.

(Snappy is the name of a turtle we saw at a garage sale…6 weeks ago.)

And now presenting the winner of the Scripps Spelling Bee sometime in the future…

It’s Like Rain on Your Wedding Day

I was going to Walmart the other day to pick up some stuff I probably didn’t need when my parking radar was activated. I always seem to get to Walmart about a minute after everyone else in Des Moines and am relegated to parking across the street or in some cases in Illinois. This particular day my senses were keen and I spotted what I thought was a front row spot. It turned out to be handicapped. Now don’t tell me that you’ve never been tempted to park in one - just for a minute of course. What are the odds the entire handicapped population would show up in those few minutes?

Now I know what you’re thinking, I parked in a handi spot and when I came out I saw some poor crippled person driving around aimlessly because they couldn’t find a spot because some heartless “20 something year old” had taken what was rightfully theirs. I didn’t do that.

What I did do was take another lap around and low and behold while I was at the bottom of the row I saw a car backing out. Could it be?? I strained my neck to check if the spot was legit and gunned the engine. It was, and I was off. Out of the corner of my eye I saw another car who had apparently seen the spot open up and it was a race to see who could claim it first. Unfortunetly he had a slight lead coming from another row and just beat me to the spot.

As if losing that spot wasn’t bad enough, I noticed something hanging from the rear view mirror as the driver hobbled into the store. A handicapped parking permit…

Shouldn’t that be a $100 fine?

Shuffle

I know its not exclusive but one of the features I like most on my iPod is the “shuffle songs” feature. I often discover music I had forgotten I had.

So today I thought I would post the first 5 songs that come up. No cheating. And here they are.

1. Deck the Hall by the Burlington High School Choir on the Christmas Classics album (Mickie’s High School Choir)
2. Ice Ice Baby by Vanilla Ice on the Best of album (best of what??? I’m not sure. Maybe “one hit wonder white rappers with really bad hair…”)
3. The Great Adventure by Steven Curtis Chapman on the Greatest Hits album (This song has a very cool intro.)
4. Crazy Times by Jars of Clay on the Much Afraid Album (This is one of my favorite albums by Jars)
5. All I Ask of You by Sara Brightman and Cliff Richard on the Phantom of the Opera Soundtrack (when I’m in the car by myself this is one of those songs I’ll belt out at the top of my lungs…)

I challenge those of you with the shuffle feature on your music player to post in the comments the first 5 songs that come up.

Filed under: Observations

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Nap Time is the Best Time

Our new house is bringing us many new and exciting things. One of the things I am most excited about is the basement that has a separate tv room/office and game room. For the tv room we (I) bought a sectional and matching ottoman. I am already dreaming about the Sunday naps I will take on it.

Forward This!

Members of the world unite!
If you are sick and tired of receiving forwards that can change your life, show you cute and cuddly animals, preach against the demise of Christianity in America, endless chicken soup stories, and the latest virus threats that will end humanity as we know it, join me in my fight to ban the forward button on all email applications. Or maybe this would work better.